1. |
begin anew
00:50
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|
you are not me
i am not you
this is long
overdue
maybe in a couple weeks
we can begin anew
maybe in a couple weeks
we can begin anew.
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2. |
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|
i've been taking hot showers in 90 degree heat, and thinking about the night when you hugged me, cause that's the only form of intimacy i need, but i want everything. i matched with someone on tinder with your name, just a one letter difference, but it doesn't matter, cause guess what? i got ghosted.
i fell for you too quick, wrote two poems about you, and you've been adding songs onto a playlist for someone else. like i said before, always the second option. as of this morning, you unfollowed me on spotify, the silence is deafening. who knows why? maybe the guy you're talking to asked who i was, i'm a nobody, hanging out with the dust.
but hopefully we can meet again soon, or we can sit outside and vent at midnight, or i can go to your restaurant a week later, wait for an hour even though i knew it was busy, and leave because my grandma was worrying about me. as i said in yellow butterfly, i like you a lot, that's where the hopeful mess story left off. soon enough, this crush will fade off into the distance. i'm a hopeless romantic with attachment issues, so it will fade off eventually. i'm sorry. one day i'll tell you all these things. maybe my skin will burn off in the shower so then you won't have to worry about me, if you're even doing that at all. it's okay if we drift apart, like the clouds.
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3. |
squish of a hug
00:58
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4. |
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we met
after three years
of blocking and unblocking
so many tears
you had me
buy you alcohol
then we walked
to the park
it was awkward
the trees heard all the silent
words spoken.
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5. |
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you asked me if i wanted to do something crazy
i said, fuck it, let's go
you picked me up at 12:52 in the morning
and weeeee hit, the road.
we talked about stuff that was bothering us
while we had no destination in mind
we drove through downtown
passed by your work and a bunch of neon lights
we took the freeway and ended up
in diamond bar
on the way back, you told me you got back with your ex
i tried not to cry in your car.
i tried not to cry in your car.
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6. |
just a water, please
00:28
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i just needed a water
but i wanted your love more
this crush is slowly fading
like this hasn't happened before.
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7. |
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|
i woke up a three in the morning
to a message from you
got to admit i was shocked
but I want you to
please let high school die
you always come back into my life
i thought that chapter closed, but ever single year
it's time for a fucking re-write.
i understand that i was your first love
but i'm no prince charming
so why do you always keep coming back
to me?
please let high school die
please let high school die
please let high school die
please let high school die
let me go
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8. |
bean
00:36
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|
what color will your eyes be today?
grey, green, or blue
it depends on what you'll be wearing
i hope to meet you soon.
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9. |
hopeful / hopeless
02:01
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i'm a hopeful mess
now we know why
i'm a hopeless romantic
who always wants to cry
when i'm laying
alone at night
shirt off
fan on high
like how i was
back in december
i had a storm to comfort me
i hope you can remember
//
i've been talking to you
for a few days
i want your skin on mine
but don't know what to say
we're both lonely
and touch starved
you changed your meds
so everything is off the charts
you're 40 minutes away
laying on the side of the river
come and lay next to me
so we can shake and shiver
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10. |
11:11
02:33
|
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i never thought i'd be this cliché
listening to phoebe bridgers
and thinking about you all day
you were born on november 11th
your initials are k.k.
which are the eleventh letters
in the alphabet
i know i'll get lost in your eyes
while you talk to me
when we're face to face
get lost in the deep blue sea
with no land in reach
stop daydreaming
we both have that habit
of imaging the useless scenarios
maybe those songs were alluding to us
and i just didn't know
well, would you look at the time now
it's 11:11
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11. |
shivering stars
03:00
|
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|
i'm writing this, shirtless, under my comforter blanket.
this is the only form of intimacy i feel now.
i'm so desperate that i'll take what i can get,
and it always used to be some phone sex.
but we'll see what happens with who i'm crushing on.
having a crush while you're depressed is scary,
being a hopeless romantic is scary,
falling down the pit of depression again is scary.
nothing is fun again. except when i get a notification that you messaged back.
i smile so big, it's always genuine and i always wait a couple minutes to respond because i don't want to be a burden,
but jake, you gotta take it slow,
as slow as it can be when you're a desperate hopeless romantic.
maybe you'll see this, maybe you won't.
we'll see what happens with all the songs i wrote.
i'd rather feel your skin on mine instead of this stupid fucking blanket.
shivers running down our spines as we're naked.
but as of a few hours ago, i thought about death again.
i just need more friends
but they're disappearing faster than stars in the night sky can.
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12. |
sometimes
01:04
|
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|
sometimes
i think about the beginning
when i was waiting for the end
sometimes
i think about all the stupid shit i said
sometimes
i think about how life would be different
if certain outcomes didn't happen
sometimes
i think about what is
sometimes
i think about what could have been
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13. |
thinking about what is
02:19
|
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|
you spend so little time thinking about what is...
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14. |
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... that you overthink thinking about what could have been.
|
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15. |
temporary
02:04
|
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|
running out of ways
to describe how i feel
running in place
on an endless treadmill
because i'll never say
what i mean
i know these feelings
are only temporary
everyone i love disappears
like the leaves in winter
pull them off the tree
ow, i got a splinter
i got to live with that now
can't change the past
i don't want to reach out
when you haven't read my message
but hey, i'm depressed again
the thought of death
is my friend
everyone who i talked about left
or is a ghost
just like the ones you painted
the overwhelming loneliness
is in my bed
i want you
to be permanent
i want you to be permanent
i want you to be permanent
i want you to be permanent
i want you to be permanent
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hopeful mess Covina, California
an alternative acoustic singer/songwriter that just wants to tell their life story through music.
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