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.​.​. but will the sun ever set?

by hopeful mess

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1.
we're all just beings of light emerged from another consciousness. this shell we call a body is merely that. someday when we die,  we'll return to our true organic state of being orbs of energy orbs of light only to, then again merge into another consciousness.
2.
re-read 01:03
staying up all night talking on the phone with you you're asleep during my afternoons re-reading our messages, that'll do. 
3.
lately it's been raining but that's all in my head it's a sunny 73 degrees and i'm stuck in bed the anxiety is looming like the clouds i try to talk about everything but the screaming's so fucking loud am i doing something wrong? do I belong? you make it better but i know i got to work it out myself my brain is destroying me overthinking, somebody crack the shell your voice is soothing, you're the sun in the sky you ate some snow for me and that was so cute in my eyes the next day we called you showed me cropped car memes like the one with the truck "i'm getting really tired of waking up" a few days later, i went for a walk took some pictures and felt okay again i'll be okay again. i'll be okay again. i'll be okay again. i'll be okay again.
4.
nine days 02:09
it takes nine days until we're both the same age happy birthday i love you baby it takes nine days until we're both the same age happy birthday i love you baby
5.
the thought of us dying together feels even sadder than dying alone the thought of us dying together feels even sadder than dying alone
6.
visiting my grandmas old house february 13th i wanted to talk to you, but couldn't cause i was busy i missed your voice like i always do i love you i love you i slept on the couch and not in your arms sent you a valentines day message trying to sleep through the sound of snores i love you i love you
7.
trains 01:36
you wrote me a poem the other day talked about us calling and not talking at all me and you live under the same moon even if we don't see it at the same time cutting the world in half then the sun will set and i can look into your eyes running our fingers over old scars replaying those memories of pain you always told me love freight cars we'll pretend our fingers are the train going over the tracks into the distance of the ocean of the ocean
8.
cold wings 01:33
it's been a month since i've seen you you got us wingstop as usual we went back to snow creek park. and hungout all afternoon drove back home, but who knew i wouldn't see you for months after that
9.
9pm dreams 03:14
last night, i fell asleep very early because i missed you and didn't want to be without you.  dreamt about us being in germany, you showing me everything i never knew, then you came over here and we went swimming and i took you to the thai place i always talk about..  happiness takes time and it'll be a long time before i can hold you. all we need is time, and we have a lot of it ahead of us, and i'm surprised, we both hate the idea of long distance but we're making it work. we just finished watching our first movie together, and just like every single inch of you, that was cute. you make me so happy and i'm glad we met, not officially yet.. but we'll take it day by day, and we'll make this work. even if our situation is growing at an increased rate, we are determined.  endless hours of us pronouncing each others native language words wrong. you pronounce your r's like w's and said a truck was a big car, and that was cute. you are cute. i tried to pronounce german words and just decided to say that i love you, and i always will. i hope you're sleeping well, spaghetto.
10.
The End. 15:21
we've made it, the Continuous Cycle's over, all those Sleepless nights, where we'd Dream about falling into the Void, but once you hit the ground you Awake and actually See, hey, i'm happy.  but that was the Calm Before the Storm, now we've been through this already, Introductions have been made, we've went to the Past, we've gone on so many Endeavors, but it's still an Unknown Reason as to why this story's ending, did the Useless Scenarios finally get to me? the thing that began the Spiral of Descent was a breakup in my junior year of high school, and that situation was just consuming my mind and it was on my Thoughts Daily. trying to Remember all of this is really hard now, and the Memories i had are slowly fading thanks to the Useless Scenarios. little did i know that the Ex would be popping up in the Future multiple times, and my mind was going over all the Do's and Don'ts, but i wanted to Getaway from those Useless Scenarios so i decided to Fade Away, at the time, i wrote them A Wasted Letter and after that talked about The Generation of people young and old at my high school. when i had my one year anniversary with my ex, (even though we didn't make it that far) i talked about it all being UnSignificant Numbers, but alas, i was 17 and didn't know what the meaning of love was just yet. back when We Were One, we made a promise after the relationship ended, we both said Don't Hurt Me Again, and maybe in the future you can make my cheeks Red Like a Rose when you make me blush. in november of 2017, i walked two hours to the mall and met someone, but what i didn't realize is that the relationship was a sign of Broken Love, and i just decided to end things by saying I Quit, and i hated the person i was at that time. I Don't Why I Still Try, and that song Valentines Day when it came out was a instant hit at my school, something great for a kid who was the Outcast and got bullied and was Lonely for a majority of his life. all i wanted was the Pain to Go Away, but it never did, so i decided to write Apologies to my parents and Thank Yous to my friends then write a Suicide Note and took my life. after that though, i had to set in motion all the Hauntful Memories in order to get out of Hell. it was a cloudy day in March when i arrived Back on Earth, and Tell Me Why i decided to just fall asleep in class that day? i dreamt about An Unagreeable Love, then got questioned "Is Love Dead?" because of a shirt i always wore during that time. i ended up Underwater in Palm Springs in 2016, it was another dark time period in my life. but in that present time,, it was mach of 2018, and i had A Meltdown cause my best friend wasn't communicating with me that she needed a break, but that's okay. we then flew back to the past again, for two memories, one of which where i Kissed an Ex Lovers Scars after school, and then a few weeks later a Kissed Another's Scars in the baseball field. back in the present time of that period, i was in Pain because of a Bloody Nose, and once again, Lonely. Why Was i Wasting My Time Thinking About You? because you told me A Seven Letter Word That Can Change Everything, you said goodbye and i thought we'd reconnect years down the road, but it was... it was months.. i learned about What The Ocean Does to Me and went Untitled, had no friends at all. hey jake, where's the Happiness..? fucking nowhere, all i've been is jist a Vision, and Silhouette. you told me that "It's Just a Break", everything ends, when we broke up, and It's Been a Year, Why Am I Not Over This?, stupid Virginia Fantasy… It's Always Been Hard to Explain My Feelings, but i got to think about the Endless Possibilities if i could just communicate. i woke up the next morning to A Missed Call from you, and to this day, 2021, i don't know what it's about and will never know cause you told me yourself that you don't know either. alas we all have Something to Gain, whether within ourselves or a new skill, we have to have Hope it'll work out. don't end up Lonely and write A Message, find the need Peace within yourself. i'll always ask myself though, Was Breaking Me For The Best? yes, it was it turns out. i'll always have you Until The End Best Friend, after the time frame, i hid away in a Disappearance. until the final puzzle piece from high school came along,, the Connecting Of Loose Ends, i experienced Lunchtime Sadness, when we made eye contact while i was laying on my back. later on the same week, it was really dark, and i was eating a Dimburger, i wrote Another Song About You later that night, and at school in the library the next day, We Both Stood There In Silence, that moment i'll never forget, we locked eyes as the cart passed us by, and went on our way to our class. the next morning, i got a summons, and I Heard A Girl Crying In The Office, and It Was The Most Heartbreaking Sound Ever! a week later, it was your birthday, May Second, i gave you gifts even if we were on a break. after that i went and saw The Tree in Hollenbeck Park, and it was fun to sit there and doze off. my ex called me and said The "L" Word, she then screamed at me, and i told her, i understand that I Hurt You. after that call, we decided to be friends, and The Reconnection Of Cut Ties began with me and the ex, and me and my best friend. a few weeks later, i went to my Graduation and that was it, The End of the high school chapter of my life.  after that came all the After Effects, my best friend had A Cancelled Trip, so we hungout under A Tree in Snow Creek Park. i met a New Friend Never To Be Spoken To Again, and many other old friends at college. I'll always remember your Faded Blue Hair and how we always smiled at each other while waiting for class. i met someone who i hadn't seen for Eight Years, ex lovers Lost and Found that day. i took the bus home and walked through downtown with my best friend, and my Beating Blue Heart was so loud. i was Losing Grip on everything in life. we went to Griffith Observatory for a astrology project, and i hope that we're happy in our Alternate Reality. you skipped class one day, i was super anxious so instead of taking the bus home, i went on a Two and a Half Hour Walk, and made it in time to watch the Sunset. a week later, we went to the mall and saw your ex, safe to say there was a lot of Panic in a Best Buy that day. I Held You While We Were Both Soaked in Rainwater, you had to leave early that day cause of some personal stuff. but after finals, we went to the Thai restaurant, and you spilled sauce on your jacket, you put it in my backpack, and i gave you my Flannel, your Scent lingered on it for the rest of the night. in 2019, we went out, got food as all of our hangouts go, i asked you in an Ikea Parking Garage if we could workout in a relationship, you said yes, maybe someday. 3 days after this thought, i saw my ex Three Months after those eight years, you were Found and Lost again, and i haven't seen you since.  that conversation in the parking garage began The Grieving Process, i knew we would never be a thing, but i still tried, It's Okay, it's fine. the Nervousness crept up on me while trying to talk to my ex about my feelings, Valentine's Day came and went, and i decided to tell her my feelings, At Least She Was Honest about everything, and how she felt. there's always been a lot of Foreshadowing in my previous records, but I'd Rather Listen to the Rain. i wrote a really jealous song for this record, and I Didn't Know What To Title It. i went out with my grandma and was just a Passerby near my ex's work. i know that i'm The Real Problem, but i wish you All The Best with Your Gf. i ended up giving you my flannel, and that's the only way i'll Exist in your life, and i think some Distance will solve this situation. I Love You, but do we really mean those three words? i was left in a Vacant Stairwell cause i had no friends the last two weeks of college. although in the summer, i was Leaving and Returning to california, and had the taste of Lemons in my mouth on the drive to colorado….Oh, I Don't Know, i wrote a Letter to You about a month and a half after college. i heard the Echo of my footsteps on the floor that night, Realization set in that it was very windy, and i also heard Windchimes outside. i was looking at my Reflection and couldn't Finish The Song i was writing. i then saw a Familiar Face Inside a Storm, the one whose work i passed by, and met in January 2019, Wait… Scratch That, it was actually in October 2018. obviously my feelings were Lingering at the time. once i returned to california, everything was stuck on Replay when i visited places where my memories were vivid. i didn't get to play any Slot Machines, and had a Missed Opportunity when me and another friend were hanging out in my room. Will Time Heal This Situation? who cares!! let's just run off Into the Unknown together.  There was a Fading Light in my life, love was this Emotionless Cold and Blue Feeling, i discovered What the Darkness of the Ocean Does to Me, i went to the same pier at night, i wrote a letter To Cammy that night, threw it in the ocean but that's fine. my life is nothing but Cycles. I needed The Warmth you Bring to Me, it was in the 40s and very cold. but all i wanted was A Simple Explanation as to why you blocked me and unblocked me four fucking times. i talked about The Art Project That is Me, we're all artists whether we know it or not. i was with you and we were Staring Over the Edge of a Parking Lot at the Mall where we saw your ex in the best buy. after all of our time together, Do I Still Exist in Your Eyes? sometimes it feels like i don't. i always get those Bus Ride Thoughts, i got to Stop Pretending that we're gonna work. on new years 2020, i was in my room and played guitar over the ball dropping, little did i know how much of a Unhappy New Year it was going to turn out to be. in order to be in the process of Moving Forward, sometimes you have to be Looking Back onto the Liquid Streams that were flowing from your eyelids as you cried. Our Distraction through these Hardships was Each Other, i told you you that while Holding Onto You Like the Smoke in My Lungs, before i realized just How Fast Life Moves. i listened to the Ambient Humming of an Electrical Box and asked myself, How Much is Too Much while writing Another Poem About The Ocean. You Made Sure I Was Home Even Though You Saw Me Walk Through My Front Door. and on that cloudy night, i had a dream that you decided to Flee from this life, and i cried, which will always be a Reoccurring Theme.  Looking Back on all of this, everything that has happened, It's Okay. i was sitting near the bridge by your house staring at Three Lemons and thinking about you, my Imaginary Girlfriend. you messaged me a week before we stopped talking again, Repeat to Yourself, I'm Okay and I Don't Need Anyone… i did that a lot and found a bunch of friends in a discord who would help me cope with this. on the day of April 17th, I got Wise Words from a Plant after you broke me, i went out walking and saw words written on a truck, it said "Don't Bother" and i took that as a sign from the universe. a week later, i was thinking about the beginning of our friendship, April Twentyfourth, Twentyseventeen at Cypress Park. many weeks later, i released a song on your birthday called A Parting Gift, and then i deleted it a few weeks later. i just needed to come to the Acceptance that nothing more was going to come of our friendship. and that I Hate my Own Name… jake, you just got to keep Moving Forward.  We All Live Under the Same Moon, me and all the discord friends, and everyone else in the world. on August 2nd, 2020, my best friend messaged me, after a three month break, everyone said no, i don't approve of this. i sent her a picture a few days later, it just said "vibe" and it was after i got my wisdom teeth removed. all my friends are Far Away, all the ones i care about, anyway. laying down on my back outside, i was Seeing a Constellation Fade, i sat up on the Asphalt and went back inside Trying to Accept the Unacceptable. instead i discovered the Meaning of Things, my Mood Swings, and the Seasons Changing. there was so much Ash that fell upon us all in that summer. me and my partner matched in a Cottontail t-shirt in November, i went to my aunt's house to get a Change of Scenery, and i started thinking about the long distance and What Being an Ocean Away does to Me.  i always say this on these long summer nights, "Will The Sun Ever Set?" will i be looking at these Lights in the Shape of Humans forever? nope, i'll be busy Re-Reading our old message together. forming Rain without a Puddle by crying into my pillow. it takes Nine Days for us to be the same age, i'm older. i always want us to be Together, but never to be Alone, but on the night of february 13th, i was Sleeping on the Couch, and Not in your Arms, it'll be awhile before i do that anyways. i've always wondered about your obsession with Trains, i just never thought of asking. i met up with my best friend and we ate Cold Wings and i told her all about you and the 9pm Dreams i had cause i didn't want to be awake without you. one day, all of those dreams will become a reality, but hey guess what… it's over, this has been the hopeful mess story, and this is The End. Das Ende - Lena The End - Luis The End - Evelynn The End - Dylan The End - Lucas Purring - Ruby Конец - Polina The End - Merlin The End - Clover The End - Navv The End - Tommy The End - Ethan alnihaya - Mos The End - Salvador The End - Marley The End - Austin The End - Hayley The End - Dylan The End - Hann The End - Blade The End - Birb Das Ende - Aaron The End - Sara The End - Heather The End - Billie The End - Mitch The End - Maya The End - Isabelle

about

a love letter (mostly)

The End.

december 2020-april 2021 is the timeline for this record.

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released April 17, 2021

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about

hopeful mess Covina, California

an alternative acoustic singer/songwriter that just wants to tell their life story through music.

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